The Trolley Stops Here

A Hopeless Romantic

Love. I'm a fool for it. I cannot begin to tell you why I'm so soft at heart. I'm sure it has to do with my upbringing, what's in my DNA, the media I've been exposed to, the relationships I've had and haven't, and things that are beyond my control and out of this earth. But that doesn't change my second sentence. Err, first full sentence really. I just long for it. I think it's something we as humans cannot live without, but what's not clear is that from person to person the "amount" and "depth" (both unitless and dimensionless) necessary to function varies.

I'm no psychologist and don't ever wish to be, but I know that even the hardest of souls needs compassion. But we're not here to state the obvious. I mean, I know I'm not. I'm not sure what you're doing here though. But what I wanted to talk about is why it is that I am compelled to feel the way I do. I can perform the duties in my life only for so long until I feel like I'm missing something, and then there it is...

What's the crux of this? Why am I even babbling? Here it is, are you ready? I believe I am incapable of not developing feelings for an attractive woman with whom I become more than just an acquaintance. Yeah, that was a difficult admission. I don't think it's a needy or clingy thing, I think I'm just always looking for that relationship I never had. At the cost of my own strength I diminish any flaws and disinterest this person may have and she proceeds to consume my thoughts. It's happened more times than I can count. First it's just a pointed interest followed by a stronger connection. By that point I'm suckered in and it's too late in but gets worse when there are obvious signs of fondness from the other end. Then for whatever reason it crashes and burns prematurely. Can you tell this is recent? A change of course doesn't have me heartbroken (because a future possibility has been confirmed), yet I see myself from a distance longing again for that relationship.

I think it's a weakness. Nothing I'm ashamed of or afraid of, but something I wish I could conquer. I simply lack the ability to protect myself from falling in love.

I believe it's love it's hiding there inside you and inside me
Maybe the two of us could bring it to the light,
Love when I approach the tears they fall like rain ya tell me,
baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

Stop- only old and wise, with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can but I
blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next pretty girl that comes my way

Hello GORGEous!

Last weekend could possibly be the start of one of the happiest events of my life. Well when you finish reading this you might not be too impressed, but to each his own. Saturday I booked flights and campsite reservations for a 4 day trip to Seattle for DMB at The Gorge Amphitheatre on Labor Day weekend! Tickets go on sale in 2 weeks, and we'll rent a car when we get there. Pat and I have always talked about going out to this, but it's finally going to happen! We'll fly in, I'll hang out with Roby for a night, head off to the campsite, and have a great three nights of concerts. Awesome!!!

This was all fueled by a pretty great tax return this year. For some reason I thought it was going to be bad but being a student in '08 and paying interest on loans helps out a whole lot.

Work was really quite stressful right around the last update. I had a big time commitment to help finish, but now that it's all over, I'm back to regular work. I have some pretty important meetings coming up, one including travel to Connecticut in a few weeks. At first I thought I'd be apprehensive about a trip out to the vendor, but considering the amount of time I've poured over design documentation, I know my material.

I cannot stop watching Entourage. Gabe got me hooked on the show and I've now watched three seasons over approximately 2 weeks. It's not an amazing show by any means, but it's got a good cast of characters and the story easily sucks you in. If I keep myself away, I don't binge on episodes. Once I start though, I can't stop!

Finally, I started making chicken stir fry as one of my "regulars". It's so tasty!