A Hopeless Romantic

Love. I'm a fool for it. I cannot begin to tell you why I'm so soft at heart. I'm sure it has to do with my upbringing, what's in my DNA, the media I've been exposed to, the relationships I've had and haven't, and things that are beyond my control and out of this earth. But that doesn't change my second sentence. Err, first full sentence really. I just long for it. I think it's something we as humans cannot live without, but what's not clear is that from person to person the "amount" and "depth" (both unitless and dimensionless) necessary to function varies.

I'm no psychologist and don't ever wish to be, but I know that even the hardest of souls needs compassion. But we're not here to state the obvious. I mean, I know I'm not. I'm not sure what you're doing here though. But what I wanted to talk about is why it is that I am compelled to feel the way I do. I can perform the duties in my life only for so long until I feel like I'm missing something, and then there it is...

What's the crux of this? Why am I even babbling? Here it is, are you ready? I believe I am incapable of not developing feelings for an attractive woman with whom I become more than just an acquaintance. Yeah, that was a difficult admission. I don't think it's a needy or clingy thing, I think I'm just always looking for that relationship I never had. At the cost of my own strength I diminish any flaws and disinterest this person may have and she proceeds to consume my thoughts. It's happened more times than I can count. First it's just a pointed interest followed by a stronger connection. By that point I'm suckered in and it's too late in but gets worse when there are obvious signs of fondness from the other end. Then for whatever reason it crashes and burns prematurely. Can you tell this is recent? A change of course doesn't have me heartbroken (because a future possibility has been confirmed), yet I see myself from a distance longing again for that relationship.

I think it's a weakness. Nothing I'm ashamed of or afraid of, but something I wish I could conquer. I simply lack the ability to protect myself from falling in love.

I believe it's love it's hiding there inside you and inside me
Maybe the two of us could bring it to the light,
Love when I approach the tears they fall like rain ya tell me,
baby your heart's into a thousand pieces

Stop- only old and wise, with clouded eyes
You can't see what I can but I
blindly throw my faith to the face
Of the next pretty girl that comes my way